It’s a Party in Podgorica!

Google the least visited capital cities in Europe and this one is going to be right up there. Montenegro’s unheralded capital city Podgorica (pronounced pod-guh-reet-suh) attracts just 30,000 visitors yearly, less than the population of Llanelli (pronounced lla-nell-i), and it seems to have absolutely no interest in increasing that number. With few notable attractions or tourist hotspots, its charm lies in its distinct and unapologetic blandness, which I found rather admirable. However, if growing up in South-West Wales has taught me anything, and it hasn’t, it’s that if you take a closer look at any unassuming township, you’re bound to find something truly unique and special. Unfortunately, I was quite wrong.

A manageable two-and-a-half-hour bus ride from our base in Kotor, which was improved no end by the remarkable views of its eponymous bay, the capital sits high on an expansive plateau just north of vast Lake Shkodër which it shares with neighbouring Albania. Whilst the Lonely Planet passage for the city was shorter than the history of Tottenham’s footballing successes, we would not let it deter us from enthusiastically exploring its untrodden streets and, rather surprisingly, we soon found several places worth your time to read a list of. An exceptionally adequate square, a historic clock tower (minus the clock), a fully functional footbridge, a purposeful monument to everyone’s favourite Brda chieftain and Montenegrin writer: Marko Miljanov Popović, and a cathedral, a bloody big one.

Sarcasm aside for a second or two, this Serbian Orthodox utopia is truly one of, if not the most jaw-dropping Orthodox religious site in the Balkans, and I’ve seen more than my fair share. What it lacks in antiquity (only opened in 2013), it makes up for in proudly polished marble floorings and furnishings as well as countless golden-edged iconographic murals that wouldn’t look out of place in any Eastern European cathedral. If the fact that it’s free to enter can’t convince you to cancel your summer plans to Marbella and head there right this instant, the fact that it’s built next door to the splendidly named Scottish Pub McCloud certainly should. Do stop there for a Nikšićko or four.

Back in Kotor and a short twenty-minute minibus ride around the bay sits picturesque Perast. A small village that clings to the waterside for dear life, it is the perfect getaway from the cruise ship crowds and ‘Merican masses. Heaving with Montenegrin charm, the cafes and coffee shops that adorn its bayfront provided the perfect repose from our exhilarating experience in Podgorica. Although, we were not done with excitement just yet as we saved the very best for next: hiking the infamous Ladder of Kotor!

‘Twas the morn before Christmas, when all through Kotor, not a creature was stirring, not even a boar; the stockings were hung by the Balkan loin cloth with care, in the hope that St. Marko Miljanov Popović soon would be there. While he may not have helped us up the infamous Ladder hiking trail, so called for its precipitousness, festive spirit certainly did and after several hours of Lowri’s protestations that it was ‘the single hardest thing I have ever done in my life’ (a commonly recurring sentiment), we were treated to a view that even old Saint Nick from his lofty sleigh would have been stunned by. A view stretching from one end of the dazzling bay to the other, it was quite the Christmas contrast from the usual Burry Port Harbour (also dazzling).

Upon our return to the apartment, Lowri’s festive vegan spectacular awaited and while we were truly bowled over by Montenegro’s hospitality, warmth, and natural beauty, our bowls were even more bowled over by their meatless alternatives, and not in the positive sense. While not akin to the sincerely revolting vegan wreath, circa 2020, she toiled with ingredients that a prime Joël Robuchon would fail to impress with. However, none of that did anything to dampen our Christmas fortnight in a country I could not have been more surprised by and could not recommend highly enough, it is a superb touring destination. Just ensure that you bring the fake meats. Živjeli Montenegro!

J