Start Spreading Danube

Following a festive weekend in Vienna we embarked on the short seventy-kilometre hop directly south into the great nation of the Magyars, otherwise known as Hungary. A slight oddity in the heart of Central Europe, the country is quite unlike any of its neighbours, especially in terms of language. With forty-four letters and eighteen case suffixes dictating tense and possession, it is ranked the fourth most difficult to learn for English speakers in the world (behind only Mandarin, Arabic, and Japanese). It also comprises a large number of ‘throaty’ sounds that are incredibly difficult to mimic without having chain-smoked fifty Marlboros in advance. Having learnt that beer is sör (pronounced Cher as in Sonny &…), we should be alright.

With Rubik’s Cubes at the ready, Biros in hand, and Liszt blaring his chaotic symphonies on the wireless, we crossed the border in earnest and paused almost immediately in the settlement of Sopron. Once an eminent Roman city, its forum lay exactly where the main square sits today which is, in turn, still surrounded by high stone walls and the iconic Firewatch Tower. The city was also at the frontier of the Iron Curtain, monuments of which dot the streets of today although those who were present during that time don’t appear to revere them greatly. Judging by the number of McDonald’s, Irish bars, and Tesco supermarkets (a Hungarian meal deal is a thing of beauty), they have done decidedly better in the years since 1989.

I also doubt that those who were responsible for erecting the barbed-wire fence that once surrounded the city would ever have guessed that, one day, people from all over Europe, and indeed the United States and Japan, would flock there to take advantage of their dentists. With over three hundred low-cost surgeries in Sopron alone (just a tad fewer than in the whole of Northern Ireland), it is often referred to as the ‘dental capital of the world’, or at least that’s what I thought they said. With our canines in check and wisdom teeth working, we had no need to employ their prevalent services although the third member of our travelling party was starting to display worrying signs of wear.

Our European road trips wouldn’t be the same without at least one major mechanical nightmare and Vishnu was about to summon up our latest helping. With our heating destroyed within a week of our first voyage and our batteries sometime during the second, now it was the turn of our engine to gush forth its coolant at unmanageable levels leaving us stranded on the verge of a Hungarian motorway with an AA worker’s high vis jacket a mere pipedream. With little choice but to delicately glide our ailing machine to the potential safety of a Kwik Fit in the capital, we undertook our mission with keen eyes and even keener noses for any sign that our ride was about to explode and, eventually, reached our terminus.

Now, I’m not sure if I mentioned that the Hungarian language is tricky but attempting to explain to several mechanics that I might have a leaky coolant hose led to puzzled looks and a recommendation to see a urologist. After several minutes of charades with pink fluid, they got the message, after which they immediately discontinued all other jobs and set about Vishnu. After closing time came and went, as did all other customers as well as our hope, they valiantly fought on, coated in coolant while experimenting with all manner of piping before finally slamming the bonnet and giving us the thumbs up. Having got the gist that this was a temporary fix that needed immediate repair work upon our return to the UK, we would have to drive on eggshells for the remainder of our journey. However, for all of their toils, we will forever be grateful.

While not quite the grand, or early, arrival in Budapest we were expecting, we treated ourselves to a hotel on the outskirts big enough to park a revived Vishnu and caught a rustic tram to its centre to get our bearings. Obviously, getting our bearings involved visiting our first Hungarian Christmas market which was exactly what we needed after a full day of acting and apprehension. Lavish lángosok, plentiful paprikashes, and goulashes galore, with the odd mug of mulled thrown in, this was more like the introduction to the capital we were hoping for. Egészségére!

J