In Denial
With van living being the primary focus in recent times, it’s been three and a half years since I last boarded an aluminium deathtrap in earnest and in that time my discomfort of flying hasn’t eased. In fact, I have now been joined by a person who finds it even more discomforting than I, which presented an interesting challenge when sat next to each other for over five hours as we fist clenched and teeth gritted our way over Europe. Thankfully, time in the air passed—albeit excruciatingly slowly—without incident and following a short taxi ride from the glistening Sphinx International Airport we were dropped right next to the last remaining wonder of the ancient world: The Cairo Carriage & Barouche Landau Museum. And following that: The Pyramids of Giza.
Given we had almost brawled with a feisty, red-cheeked, Lanzarote-bound clan over a parking spot on the outskirts of scenic Luton a few hours earlier, facing those fabled ancient structures by dusk was a rather surreal moment. We had a room reserved at a miniature inn that overlooked the pyramids called the Pyramids Overlook Inn and were royally greeted by our host, Adel, before being sat down on his terrace, fed seventeen courses of the finest Egyptian mezze, and treated to a Gizan light show. Given Adel’s enthusiasm, we were prepared for all manner of strobing and pyrotechnics with perhaps a touch of Tiësto in the background. What we actually witnessed was a peculiar, rambling, hour-long monologue recorded in the late 60s with a touch of multicoloured torch for maximum impact. Not up to our usual light show standards and something that gradually drove us insane after being subjected to the same show each night at full volume in every language other than Klingon while attempting to slumber.
The following day we were to explore the pyramids in closer detail as we fought our way through the masses of street sellers and zealous locals pretending to offer friendly advice prior to demanding dollar before reaching the gated archaeological site. Not that being inside deterred the army of camel-ride traders and personalised tour guides nipping at our heels and promising deals of Trumpian proportions. After shaking them off, for the most part at least, we were able to explore one of humankind’s richest and most captivating historical spots.
The image of the Great Sphinx and the three imposing, rocky tombs just behind has bewitched many an intrepid explorer over the centuries and none of that enchantment has been lost today, even after you’ve turned around and grabbed a slice of Sloppy Giuseppe from the Pizza Hut opposite. One is even able to enter inside a Great Pyramid, thankfully at no great expense, if claustrophobia, lengthy queues, and shocking human body odour do not offend. Earnestly, ambling around the area was an extraordinary experience that truly satisfied my inner six-year-old holding a Where’s Wally magazine of ancient Egypt and, one day, hoping to slip in camel excrement there myself.
Cairo itself is a manic, highly polluted, ball of stress that didn’t have much in the way of appeal were it not for two exceptional museums that hold almost endless collections of historical artefacts. The Egyptian Museum, right in the very heart of the city just off Tahrir Square, has been the home of Egyptology since 1901 and, for now at least, houses everything from colossal statues of Amenhotep III to Tutankhamun’s iconic death mask. The formerly majestic museum is now looking a little worse for wear, bursting at the seams with all manner of relics, and bearing the brunt of being one of the capital’s must-visit locations for well over a hundred years. However, this won’t be the case for much longer.
Back in Giza, some six kilometres southwest of Cairo, lies the newly built—and originally named—Grand Egyptian Museum. An architectural marvel, the construction will become the world’s largest archaeological museum when it fully opens later in 2024 although we were fortunate enough to be granted entry to a test event. The immersive Tut exhibition was a particular highlight, as was the onsite food court where I was able to have my first taste of koshari, the nation’s dish. Loving a carb perhaps more than the next man, even I was taken aback by the quite startling combination of macaroni, lentils, rice, and chickpeas. However, add a rich tomato sauce, toss some fried onions on top, and intensify with a dash of mind-numbingly hot sauce and you have something special on your hands. The ideal way to end our time in the frenzied capital as we packed up our pharaoh fridge magnets and took to the road…
J
