Simply Devin
Crystal-clear skies and festive fragrances greeted our first morning in the Slovak capital: Bratislava. Having parked up in neighbouring Austria and caught an unsurprisingly efficient train into the centre we decided to get our blood pumping early doors by marching up a rocky hill towards her primary attraction. Nowhere on earth has a higher concentration of castles than Slovakia, a fact that all Welsh people would immediately respect, with her most impressive overlooking the capital. The purpose of such a high number of defensive structures would also be relatable to my ewe-adoring compatriots as most were constructed by an expanding and controlling adjacent nation, Hungary in this case, in order to subjugate the locals. Where have we seen that done before?
Bratislava Castle, with its enormous rectangular silhouette and imposing corner towers, is remarkable enough from the outside although its interior was even more so given that, because of our visit, they had arranged a Middle Age market to take place in the central courtyard. Complete with enthusiastic costumed volunteers, including less enthusiastic owls and falcons, as well as copious barrels of mead and a miscellaneous broth (possibly owl) simmering on an open fire, all the stops had been pulled out. The inside of the castle, although over renovated and almost new in appearance, houses impressive artworks, rugs, and even an altarpiece that was far too big for its space. Its grand staircase, the actual name of the staircase, wouldn’t have looked out of place in Beauty and the Beast while the views from the rooftop of the extensive grounds and of the city itself were worth risking the broth for.
After rolling back into town we got our bearings at the bustling Christmas market before hitting each of the city’s top tourist attractions in turn, commencing at Čumil: a bronze sculpture that barely stands six inches above the ground. This is because it commemorates a beloved sewage worker who used to doff his cap to passersby who now return the favour by giving his hard hat a wee rub when they pass. Despite claiming to be the most photographed sewage worker in the world, obviously they haven’t heard of Dai the Drain and his annual buff calendar, our next stop was slightly more photo worthy.
The art nouveau Church of St. Elizabeth, better known as the Blue Church, is blue. Noone seems to know why. That is all. Michael’s Tower, one of four built in the fourteenth century, is the only remaining gatehouse in the city and far more worthy of a sentence or two. The oldest building in Bratislava, sightseers are able to climb to its top level and behold vistas of the nearby Old Town and National Theatre which didn’t appear too aesthetically dissimilar to that of the far more venerated and well-known version in Vienna. That would succinctly summarise our thoughts of the city as a whole actually: criminally overlooked and not at all the gloomy, brutalist bore we were promised.
After a lunch stop in the historic market hall, and a Guiness stop in the equally notable Dubliner Irish Pub, we headed not twenty minutes up the Danube to another great fortress; when in Rome. Devin Castle, built atop a crag at a bend in the illustrious river, was originally settled in the Neolithic Age and has acted as the perfect lookout for any potential threats bringing their eager armies downstream. Nowadays, it’s the equally threatening Viking River Cruises cohort that raid the aforementioned fort with their suicidally laborious walking pace and their capacity to form a queue outside the café far longer than that on a summer’s day in Disneyland.
Fortunately, my patience is similar to that of a young Buddha and we persisted with our tour of the castle which eventually rewarded us with superb views over the nearby town as well as of the confluence of the distinguished Danube and Morava rivers far below. With the sun setting and geriatrics leaving, it signalled the perfect conclusion to our time in surprising Slovakia. Certainly, a nation that shouldn’t be overlooked if zimmers and Werther’s Originals are your thing, but also if magnificent architecture, reposeful spas, and reasonable prices are, too. After returning to Vishnu, we rejoined European Route 65 heading north towards our final destination of the trip. All aboard to Czechia!
J
